Moving On

Two words that is very easy to say "Move On!" yet it is so hard to do, why? It is because we still cling on to the memories of what we did previously especially if those memories were the good one. Well i personally classify moving on equal to 5 stages of grief ( Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance).

Trust me it is a painful process, but in my experience it was the pain that made me value the process and learn so many things from it, but then again different person would experiences different process and there are some who don't want to move on at all and get stuck.

I had my share of this process not so long ago, i was depressed almost reached a state of nervous break down because i simply wanted to give up on life, but i did not give up, why? Simple reason, I wanted to know what's gonna happen next in my life if i face the "demon" inside of me, i believed in myself again with the help of those who truly care about me, i was really lucky.

So when you are in a really emotional stage and feel that you are falling down on your knee you may savor your depression momentarily only and then get up, promise yourself that you are going to face this difficult situation that you are in now, stand up and make your baby steps to moving on. In the beginning it will be hard to move on, but you'll definitely able to move on and realize that it isn't as bad as you might think.

I know you are sad right now, but trust me it will be better i promise...

March for marching forward

Oh this is quite ridiculous i haven't write for more than two month since the last time i wrote, in the past two months i wrote manually, yeah i wrote a journal (manly way of saying i keep a diary) it actually really helped me a lot to deal with a lot of things happened in my surrounding, and somehow i enjoyed writing manually i could feel the emotion and thoughts when i read my journal.


So here's what happened for the past two months since my absence from blogging, i finally graduate from my post graduate school (hooraaah) now i officially hold a master degree title. I have let go, moved on and made peace with my ghost of the past starting a new life with a blank page where i hoped to be filled with more exciting adventures in my life.

Tense situation arise during my absence for a month, emotions are boiling here and there even from afar i could feel it, i did my best to ease the situation from afar although i was doing it in a secretive manner, because this time i did put all of my best effort to save the family i have and i work better alone. I really am sorry if my action do create some misleading gesture, i did all of those with good intention not the other way around.

Thankfully the tense situation has been resolved, it will take some time until everything are back to normal, but based on my observation it is progressing in a swift manner far beyond my expectation. I really am proud with the progress of those who i considered as my family here.

I myself personally made a lot of progress to be a better person, i already am a better person, i aim to be even more better person than  i am now.

Let go of the Past march forward to the Future but don't forget to enjoy the Present

December Lantern

I know it's already January 2010 now, but i haven't write anything for my December so here's how my December went :

1. I met my sister after four years not seeing her
2. I went to Bali and had the most awesome moment in my life
3. I met several of my old friends co-incidentally
4. I had experience the most beautiful thing in my life (let's just say i have an inspiration due to the aid of certain medium that has the ability to ignites inspiration via natural resource *wink)
5. I had a truly unforgettable moment back at home because of you

At first i was a little bit reluctant to go back home and spend my holidays in JKT, but that is all about to change until i met Lumina, as corny as this might seems to be  i really had wonderful moments with Lumina another co-incidental? I don't think so, here's why; i had someone to do an astrological reading on me back on September 2009 and my question was "Will i find someone that suits me?" she did my horoscope reading and her reading say "You will find that particular someone in December" at first i was "Yeah right!" being skeptic about this whole astrological reading. But you know what it came true!

Is this faith? That was my first question to myself, but I'm not gonna tell you more about Lumina now, you'll just have to wait and see what will happen. Lumina makes me feel really good about myself and most importantly she made me happy.

Being Single

Being Single could be a scary thing for some people, i admit it was scary for me especially I've just got out from a 3.5 years long relationship last July. Well I experienced my worst fear of being single, that is being alone because I'm used to with the very presence of her in my life and  i was not very good at being alone without taking care of someone, well that's my case though i don't know about others.

Anuptophobia is a fear of being single, well who doesn't anyway? But here's a thought, so you are afraid of being single thus you decided to hop on to the next relationship train you can get within short time after you broke up with your former significant other, case solved. Well it doesn't solve a thing according to my opinion it just creates more problem, why ?

Here's why :

1. You are still used to be with the presence of your former significant other

2. Isn't it just the same like being in a rebound relationship ? (Note: Nobody likes to be the rebound guy/girl !)

3. Love is blind but don't be a love fool (Note: That sensation you feel when you hop on to the next relationship train is just pure illusion)

4. Stop wasting other people's time, why ? Because you will just make hurt your rebound boy/girl friend because they might expect something out of you and that is cruel.

So ladies and gentlemen, it is advisable after you broke up with your former significant other to stay single for a certain period of time depends on how long your previous relationship, how good is your mental condition and most importantly is being patient and not to rush yourself to another relationship that soon.

Here's are some cool things about being single :

1. You can appreciate your independence

2. You can control your finances

3. You have more time for social activities

4. You can be spontaneous

5. You can flirt without worry

Many more cool things about being single, but those five things i mentioned are what's best about being single for me. If you want to find love, then don't hop on to the next relationship train you got after you've just ended your long relationship. Do not be afraid of being single!!! Explore your options, be spontaneous, be awesome single person, be adventurous, after all being single doesn't mean it's the end of your life it is the other way around it is the beginning of your brand new life.

My Own November Rain

Great it's been three weeks now i haven't seen the sun shine, it is always raining for the past three weeks and to top it all of it's going to get worst, according to the weather report it will be raining the whole November which reminds me of guns n roses song 'November Rain'.

November Rain lyric by Guns n Roses:

When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain
We've been through this such a long long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain
But lovers always come and lovers always go
An no one's really sure who's lettin' go today
Walking away
If we could take the time to lay it on the line
I could rest my head
Just knowin' that you were mine
All mine
So if you want to love me
then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin'
In the cold November rain

Do you need some time...on your own
Do you need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone
I know it's hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you

Sometimes I need some time...on my
own Sometimes I need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone

And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain, ohhh yeahhh
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain


Don't ya think that you need somebody
Don't ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one 

It's been gloomy for the past three weeks and it affects my mood, sometimes i could feel so mellow because of the heavy rain and stuck in the traffic while listening to songs in my iPod which i set to shuffle but it magically plays some mellow romantic songs, or songs that have something to do with rains, broken heart, songs that makes me emo and all of those that could stir my mood like crazy when i listen to those songs while raining.

Not to mention lately my friends had some emotional  tragedy happened to them, it involves a death in family member, broken heart and insecurities. October was a pretty rough month for me and my friends, but my gut said it will be over soon and we could see our shining sun again both metaphorically and literally.

It's November already, it will be December soon which means it will be Christmas and new year soon, i vowed to myself that I would end this year with a bang. "Starts with a bang and it ends with a bang." So buckle up my friends, it will be tough this month but I'm sure we could get past the hurdle for us, be strong.

Insomniac

Well it's 4:33 AM here in Sunway, i still couldn't sleep at all probably because i fell asleep earlier and had a really powerful nap sometimes around 10 PM. Funny thing about living here in Sunway is, every night i could hear weird noises such as blazing sounds of illegal street racing, ambulance, police, fire fighters, some weird neighbor who played his/her guitar at midnight. It was always really loud and sometimes it pissed me off!!

Though I have been here in Malaysia for almost five years now, I'm still wondering what the heck is wrong with its people who are constantly insomniac, i saw many people hang out after midnight at 'mamak'  short for Malaysia Makan if I'm not mistaken (some sort of restaurant that open 24 hours), some would bring their children along with them as well geez what kind of parenting is this? Taking your children to hang out with you after midnight, even funnier they do hang out after midnight even during the weekdays aren't your children supposed to go to school, and aren't you suppose to go to work?

For the people about my age i wouldn't even bother trying to figure out what kind of reasons brought them to hang out at 'mamak', more or less their reason would be the same as me :

1. Got nothing else to do
2. Hang out with friends
3. Insomniac and hungry
4. Any other reasons you could come up with to hang out after midnight

Well it is still a mystery to me why these people hangs out really late at night, or they are just really that bored at home just like me thus opting to go out after midnight to either have a 'teh tarik' late supper or watching football match at 'mamak', oh by the way most of the 'mamak' i visited they do install LCD TVs at their places so people would come over there and watch football while eating or eating while watching football.

Oh well i guess I'll just enjoy my insomnia now, and I'm going to 'mamak' to have a glass of ice tea. or supper or breakfast, Good night..errr i mean Good morning or whatever blah...

Coincidence pt.2

Well jumping to few months later after i first met with 'S', now it is November already so that is precisely 5 months I've known her and surprisingly she knew me much more than anyone else who have known me before a truly standing ovation for her, i never was a simple man to be read by anybody else I'm not one of those top 40 songs, i am more of a vintage song that require multiple listening to truly know who i really am.

Our friendship started awfully, because of many things well mainly it is because i just do not know how to give up on her even though she has her significant other but it is a long distance thing. My ego seems to be too abrasive for her and my mental block did drives her insane, she became restless and uneasy every time she is near me. Until both of us reach to a point where we could finally trust each other and no longer suspicious of one another, we became friends.

She taught me many things, she taught me how to use my heart again after i neglected my heart for years, she taught me how to be compassionate with others, most importantly she reminded me how to be sincere. It is true that I haven't been sincere with my actions, i used to expect something in return after i did something. After five months of mind torture we finally could be friends with each other, or at least that's what I'm thinking.

I've moved on, i met someone new in my life but still i did not expect anything to happen from this new girl I've just met, playing it really safe for my sake. Though lately something happened, 'S' went through the toughest time in her life and to be honest i feel sorry for her, as a friend all i could give are my understandings and moral support for her, be there for her when she needs help, console her in anyway that i could for her. Oh one more thing about 'S' she was there during my lowest moment, she told me that i am good enough and no need to wallow myself further in pity. I owed her that much thus i have to repay her kindness to me, not only she did gave me second chance, she gave countless of second chances to better myself as a person, hopefully i could enlighten her like the way she enlightened me. Amen to that!